“I think we all clearly remember the Bible verse where God stated he was against people of the same gender marrying. “Besides, unlike divorce, there’s a clear precedent for the church to take a stand against same-sex marriages,” continued the Archbishop. No, our wish to ban same-sex unions simply stems from our strongly held belief that marriage is a religious ceremony that the state has no place in defining, unless we’re talking about divorce, in which case the state is well within it’s rights to over-rule the established Church and those pesky Bible clauses that say divorce is a mortal sin.” “We have nothing against gay people,” said the Archbishop this evening, “It’s simply a coincidence that we’ve strongly opposed every single piece of legislation aimed at improving the lives of LGBT people. Stepping away from their previous public statements that it was up to individual Anglicans to make up their minds on the issue, the Archbishop of Sydney has now clarified that the Church of England firmly believes that marriage is a sacred institution that cannot ever change, except for that one time when a certain church was founded by King Henry VIII solely for the purpose of changing the marriage laws. The Church of England is in damage control today, following revelations that the Anglican Diocese of Sydney has donated $1 million to support the fight against same-sex marriage in Australia.